


The way clocks turn

by sonderphiliac



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Artist Park Jimin (BTS), Broken Families, Dark, Depression, Domestic, Dorms, Explicit Sexual Content, Family Bonding, Flashbacks, Friendship, Lost Love, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Break Up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Regret, Romance, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:26:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23986771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonderphiliac/pseuds/sonderphiliac
Summary: What wouldn’t we give,To turn the clocks and start over again.To erase all misery and suffering, to extract the blazing bullets from deep within, dislodge them and walk free.What happens when all that is left between people is loss? When pain runs so deep within our veins it becomes an identity?What did it take to break a soul into surrender?The moment they’d found him, willowed and limp, they’d wished they could have taken it all back.But that isn’t the way clocks turn.****A shocking suicide scatters the group apart. Three years later, as they are all still picking up the pieces, mourning lost dreams, one fateful meeting seems to reunite lovers, spiralling into a quest to build back broken ties and pull everyone together once more.And from ambers of loss, love reignites.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter one: October 2019, an unexpected meeting.

The second Jungkook's eyes meet those glimmering dark orbs, he swears his heart almost stops beating. He stops breathing, stops moving. His fingers go numb and his body still.  
The other boy looks up and suddenly time seethes to exist as they stare at one another.

3 years, it's been 3 years.

Jimin's pale skin looks soft as ever under the yellow lights, skin that Jungkook used to knead, touch, caress. Flawless skin that he felt underneath his tongue, inch by inch.

His sinfully full lips part in surprise, lips that Jungkook is weak for, lips that had brought him relief too many times to count. The thought alone is enough to turn Jungkook's face shades darker.

Every detail of the boy's magnificent being brings memories flooding back into Jungkook's mind all at once. Memories of warm summer nights in the sheets, of lips pressing to his temple as he lays over Jimin's small body. Of a hand sneaking to hold his while he pressed the keys on his laptop furiously, too focused on the game he is playing.  
But Jungkook isn't 19 anymore and Jimin isn't his boyfriend and they are no longer sitting in their college dorm with the boys.

Now, Jimin looks even thinner than he remembers, perhaps a tad more toned as well. Light wash jeans fit snuggly around his slender legs, paired with some boots and an oversized sweater that manages to hide how sharp his jutting shoulder bones must have become.  
He smiles softly, but the sorrow in his eyes doesn't go unnoticed by Jungkook, because he knows, no he knew , Jimin too well.

Oddly, standing opposite him, Jungkook, for the first time, felt uncomfortable in his uniform. He felt ugly, plain. 

Jimin, while different, still looked like a god. 

His hair -- that he brushes out of his forehead because perhaps, just perhaps,he too wants to look good for Jungkook -- might have been the most remarkable change; now dyed a shiny maroon color, a far cry from the orange mop he used to sport back when they had been together.

"Oh sorry, i forgot to make the introductions, Jungkook this is Rosé, my neice, and her business partner, Jimin" says Namjoon, Jungkook's superior, reminding him that other people were attending the gathering too.

"Right, pleasure to meet you" Jungkook peals his eyes off his ex lover to look Rosé in the eyes. Surprisingly, the girl, who stands next to Jimin opposite Jungkook and Namjoon, just like her unckle, couldn't be much older than 25, leading Jungkook to believe the Colonel had way older siblings if this were to truly be his niece. 

Rosé smiles back sweetly, nodding. "Jimin this is Namjoon, my uncle in the army I told you about" she announces shortly to Jimin, her business partner, before looking back over to Namjoon.  
"I m so glad you could make it to the exposition. Jimin and I have worked so hard to make this happen. Go help yourselves to some drinks, please" 

Neither Jungkook nor Jimin pay mind to her offer. Her words felt like distant babble to their ears.

"Jungkook, how are you?" 

Jimin's voice is so melodious, so smooth and breathy. Jungkook has missed it more than he realised. But the sound, albeit beautiful, feels like a jab to the kidney. It's been too long since he's heard his name come out of Jimin's mouth.

"You... you know each other?" Rosé smiles politely, despite her apparent confusion.

"Y.. yeah, we used to be friends in college" Jimin answers briefly, searching Jungkook's face for signs of discomfort or disagreement.

"Hey, Namjoon, how about we let them catch up while I get you the drink I promised?" Rosé offers.

Jungkook and Jimin just hold each other's gaze, as thought afraid to look away for a moment and lose sight of the other. 

"Okay, watch yourself Jeon, I'm drinking so you are driving us back " Namjoon shoots him a warning glance.  
"Yes, sir" Jungkook nods in practised obedience as the two take off.

Jimin steps closer once they are out of sight and even from where he is, Jungkook can smell the intoxicating vanilla and peach scent off of him.

"You've..." Jimin starts, now suddenly avoiding Jungkook's eyes. Maybe he wants to ask about Jungkook's new job. Maybe he doesn't have anything to say. Jungkook can't tell.

"Yeah, after what happened I just dropped out and figured I'd join the army" Jungkook answers the most likely question, and notices how Jimin's face pinches at the mention of that one fateful night. Jungkook himself has to fight the tightness constricting his throat.

Jimin nods, reaching out to softly touch the collar of Jungkook's uniform with his tiny hands.  
"Well," he whispers under his breath, "it looks good on you"  
Then he looks up into Jungkook's eyes and Jungkook wonders if Jimin truly feels the warmth he conveys, if he has truly managed to move on or if he still wakes up drenched in sweat at night as images of come back to haunt him the way they do Jungkook.

"I'm glad to see you followed through with the gallery idea. The paintings are all incredible" Jungkook says to him in return, smiling gently. 

Jimin blinks once, twice, even thrice the way he used to do when he'd be fighting back tears. He only nods in response, probably afraid his voice might break. Jungkook wishes he could reach out and craddle Jimin's cheek in his palm, but he locks his hands together in front of his body to resist the impulse.

"Have you..." Jimin starts, as if afraid to ask. "Heard of the others? Do you keep in touch?"

"Not really. I check on Hoseok thru facebook from time to time and I heard Yoongi moved to another city, but I don't know much else" Jungkook informs him briefly, keeping his tone conversational as best he could. His finger twitches where he holds his hand wrapped around his wrist, his entire body straining with the effort to keep collected.

"And Jungkook..." Jimin hesitated, licking his lips to ease the words out "how have you been? I mean after... everything" he asks, almost timidly.

Jungkook tries to come up with a solid answer. But he can't. And it's not like he can lie either, Jimin could always tell when he lied.

"I've been... I've been coping" is all he lets out.

"Joon! Get the car running we're leaving in five" Namjoon shouts suddenly over all the voices from across the room.

"Time to go I guess" Jimin scratches the back of his neck.

Gazing regretfully at him, Jungkook nods ignoring how everything in him screams at the though of being pulled away from the boy.

"Take care of yourself"

"You too, Jungkooka"

Then Jungkook turns around without so much of a glance back, forcing himself to keep moving until he's in the car.

Despite the cold weather, he rolls all the windows down, because it feels like he cannot breathe anymore. For a moment, hot tears blur his vision, forcing him to focus on the mental image of a slender frame, willowed out from weeks of malnourishment, as Hoseok tugs at it. But Taehyung wasn't there anymore, it was too late. Why hadn't Jungkook put two and two together sooner?

Jungkook wipes them away angrily, attempting to focus on the the white scenery ahead of him.

The snow outside slowly dusts over the car, the streets are empty. The world continues to spin at it's leisurely pace.

3 years, and the pain was still so raw. 3 years and everytime he'd close his eyes he'd be back there, in that shitty dorm room.

"Fuckk" Jungkook yells out in frustration, hitting the steering wheel with all the force he can muster.

Because 3 years ago, Jungkook managed to lose everything he'd had. His friends, the love of his life, his college career, his hopes , his dreams and maybe even a large part of his sanity.

When he scans the place from the outside, looking through the windows to see if he can find Jimin, even now, the boy seems to have disappeared.


	2. Jungkook

Jungkook's life is methodical. 

4 a.m: wake up.  
4 : 30 : go for a run.  
5 : 30: go home and shower  
6 am : get going.

The entire procedure is meticulously time stamped with various alarms, in order to avoid system failures.

But on October 11th 2019, the day following the official gallery inauguration, the 6 am alarm wakes Jungkook up from his light sleep mere hours after he'd finally managed to dose off.  
The boy grunts, rolling over to his side.  
He would soon need to head to the base.

So reluctantly, he forces his numb body out of bed and into a cold shower. 

Once done, he pulls on his uniform, grabbing a single granolla bar off the kitchen counter absentmindedly, head still hazy with racing thoughts.

Before heading out, Jungkook catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror by the front door of his tiny appartment. 

Huh.

Slowly, he blinks at the man staring back at him. So this was what Jimin had seen yesterday.   
His hair had gotten a bit longer than authority preferred at work. He looked tired, worn out. His eyes were dull.

Jimin hadn't looked like him. Jimin had looked... good. More than good, he looked  
... gorgeous. 

Jungkook shook his head to himself.

How was he still doting on his first love even years later, when he was now by all accounts, a man?

Had there been others after Jimin? Yes, a couple, all women somehow. Perhaps Jimin had set the bar too high for any other men in his life. After all who could compare to Jimin's inhuman beauty? Who could ever rival his distinct charm: boyish, cute and endearing but sexy and seductive at once? Who would ever come close?

No one, if you were to ask Jungkook. Which was probably why he hadn't been in any real relationships after Jimin aside from those couple hookups.

He wondered about Jimin. Had he been sleeping with random men to comfort him when he got jolted awake at night by the same thoughts that loomed over Jungkook's head?

When his eyes focus ahead again, suddenly looking back at him through the mirror wasn't his reflexion. No, it was Taehyung's beautiful features he saw looking back at him.   
But it was the Taehyung of before. The one with bright eyes and flawless glass skin. The Taehyung who dreamt of becoming a vet, so that be could spend his days surrounded by adorable puppies because 'what more could a man's heart desire?'. The Taehyung that had complimented his drawing on Jungkook's very first day of college, wearing that giant, boxy smile of his.  
"I 'm Taehyung by the way" he swears the boy on the mirror says to him, smiling warmly.

Jungkook covers his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes to rid them of the image.

"Get yourself together" he tells himself.

That meeting with Jimin had screwed with his head. It had made everything Jungkook had fought hard to keep buried deep within himself come surging back to the surface.

Jimin, ah Jimin.

Jungkook knows he shouldn't, he does, but his legs move on their own, rushing back to his room and over to the nightstand, opening the bottom drawer where he kept his old phone. Hastily, as he was already running late, he turns it on, looking up the contact he meant to find.  
Before he knew it, he was saving it on his new phone and compulsively texting:

'When are you free? I'd like to talk' -Jk.


	3. October 2015: point zero, how we met

~ October 2015~

Jimin rushes over to the café he and his childhood best friend, Taehyung, had agreed to meet at for lunch in between courses.  
Their schedules rarely matched up so they almost never got to hang out outside the dorm anymore and Jimin couldn't help but feel terrible about being late. Don't get him wrong, he's always been 30 to 40 minutes behind everyone else, but still.

Upon walking in, he scans the place for a brown head of hair and is quick to spot Taehyung, only to realize he wasn't sitting alone. 

Next to him sat another boy.  
The boy in question was currently sipping some type of milkshake, sitting quietly by Taehyung's side. He had soft and rounded features. His hair was a brown undercut, and Jimin noted he had two piercings on one of his ears. Sitting down, it was hard to tell, but if the stranger's shoulders were anything to go by, he seemed to be nicely built.

Once Jimin gets himself to stop staring, he hurries over to their table. 

"Hey Tae, I'm so sorry I'm late, professor Singh decided to take up some extra time to wrap up before midterms" he apologizes, setting his bag on the floor as he takes a seat opposite the two boys.

Then, looking over at the boy with the undercut he smiles. "I'm Jimin by the way, Taehyung's best friend"

"Jeon Jungkook, Taehyung's newer best friend" the boy quipped, taking Jimin's hand in his over the table. His palm was considerably larger than Jimin's, and his skin was soft to the touch.

"Is that so?" Jimim smirked, glancing over at Taehyung who throws an arm over Jungkook's shoulders to drive a point.

"Yes, I meant to tell you that now that we're in college I found your replacement. Check this out, he doesn't completely suck at video games, and, wait for it, actually manages to show up on time every once in a while" Taehyung teases, causing the boy, Jungkook, to smile, showing off adorable bunny teeth. It shouldn't look as good as it does on him.

Jimin rolls his eyes. "Okay, A, it's not my fault you're a dork who just stays in all day improving his skills on the PS while I'm out doing shit, and B, I said I was sorry" 

Taehyung laughs, in a full, chesty sound. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about, you're barely ever out, but sure" he shrugs, causing Jimin to slap a hand to his own chest in mock shock.

"But anyway, good thing I brought Jungkook along to keep me company while you fixed your hair for the twelfth time before showing up. I thought you guys could meet. I've already told Jimin about you" Taehyung says to the two other boys.

So Jungkook was the new friend Taehyung wouldn't shut up about. They had been hanging out all semester and Taehyung had promised Jimin the two of them would get along if they were to meet. Looking at Jungkook, Jimin sure hoped so.

"Has he told you about how I kick his ass at Overwatch too?" Jungkook's cherry lips stretch into a smirk and Jimin swears he's never seen anything so hot.

"Lies!" Taehyung yells out, and by the way he is overreacting, Jimin can tell Jungkook definitely obliterates him at the game.

"Finally, someone to give him a run for his money! Playing against me gives him the illusion he's good, when he's actually barely average" Jimin smiles back. "On a good day"

Jungkook's dark eyes glimmer as he snickers at their friend.

"It's too early for you guys to start ganging up on me" Taehyung whines, stirring up the drink he's ordered while Jimin wasn't there with a straw. "I demand a rematch! Jungkook come by our dorm tonight, I'll show you"

"Right, you guys have a room on campus" Jungkook nods. "I'll be there if that's okay with Jimin, of course" 

"I wouldn't exactly call it a room, it's more like a shoe box. But of course, you should come by" 

Jungkook laughs at Jimin's stupid joke and Jimin hates to admit it, but he spends the integrity of the rest of his day waiting for the evening.  
That was when it had all started. It had started with Taehyung.  
****


	4. Jimin

When Jimin had chosen to become an art major, he'd always known that his expected immediate post-graduation yearly salary would not add up to much.

What he hadn't expected was for his finances to plummet so dramatically afterwards.

He'd been left with thousands of dollars in student loans, no stable job and very little savings.

So Jimin grew accustomed to chaos, moving sporadically from a place to another all over Seoul, taking up random jobs for little pay and making deadlines by the skin of his teeth, pulling caffeine frenzied all nighters.

All that had changed upon meeting Rosé.

Rosé Lee was a brilliant young artist like himself, from a rich family background, who'd acquired decent exposure through creating an online profile marketing her art.

The girl had messaged him after coming across some of his paintings on social media, telling him how impressive his work was, and the two quickly established a virtual friendship, fuelled by mutual admiration.

One day, just as Jimin had come to the devastating resolution he might have to move back home, Rosé declared she was moving to Seoul, a few blocks from where he was, and upon learning her only friend there might already be leaving, offered him a place to camp.

He'd learn a lot from her throughout his stay.

Rosé bad helped him grow his online presence and finally turn it into a lucrative business and just like that, for the first time in over two years, Jimin was making a deceng living, turning over a new leaf.

Then one night, the two of them had come up with the great idea of starting their own little gallery, with financial support from Rosé's parents, that they'd be sure to repay down to the last penny of course once things started taking off.

So that was what they had been working on for the past 6 months. Finding a place for it, redecorating and building demand.

Those efforts had finally all come to fruition on October 10th, 2019, when they had at last inaugurated the place.

All had fortunately gone smoothly, except perhaps for one tiny hiccup the young man could never have accounted for.

An untimely reappearance from a figure from the past, if you will.

***  
~ 11: 30 am. ~

On the morning of October 11th, when the beeping alarm on Jimin's phone wakes him up, he groans painfully, blindly reaching for it.

11:30

He could afford to sleep some more, since his shift at the gallery didn't start before 2 pm. 

But then something stops him. 

Something, makes his heart unexpectedly skip a beat.  
That something is a small notification at the top of his screen that reads  
"when are you free? I'd like to talk" - JK.

The number is unknown but the signature is unmistakable. 

Slowly, Jimin sits up in his bed. Jungkook wanted to see him. 

Why? He wonders.  
The boy had practically run off like Jimin was diseased after 5 minutes of conversation last night , why would he now want to talk?

"I wanna see you too. How about tonight?"

Jimin types back, but his finger hovers over the send button.  
No, that sounded too eager. He didn't even know what this was about. This could be a casual catch up for all he knew, or a drunken message sent after a long night at the bar.  
Maybe Jimin shouldn't jump at the opportunity to see his ex again anyway, not when things had just started going right for him.

He grunts in frustration, squeezing the device tightly in his hand.

They'd finally managed to open the gallery, Jackson had officially asked him out two weeks ago, and he was renting his own studio appartment instead of living on Rosé's couch for the first time ever. 

Yes, things were, by all accounts, going good.

Now wasn't the time to mess things up for himself. Jimin had spent too much time trying to climb back up the hill to look back now. 

He deletes what he's typed out, setting the phone aside again. He can't. It wouldn't be right. 

****  
~ 3 pm ~

It's 3 pm when Jimin finally makes it to the workplace, to see that Rosé, naturally, is still there sorting out meetings on their schedule.  
"You're late again" she sighs, pushing her long strawberry blond hair over her shoulder.

"I know, I know, I just... over slept, sorry" Jimin explains, rubbing his eyes as he makes his way to the coffeemaker.

"It's fine. I'm getting used to the idea I'm the only responsible one here" she teases, setting the agenda aside for the time being. "I've got some news that will put a smile on that groggy face though. Since the inauguration yesterday; offers for our paintings have been raining down left and right. At this pace we'll get the mortgage for this place back by June"

"Rosé that's amazing" Jimin beams, grabbing the mug he's just filled to go over and sit by his friend. "I'm so relieved this is going the way we planned." 

"We really needed a win, huh?" The blond chuckles. 

"Tell me about it. Yesterday was nerve wracking. I'm still recovering from it" he breathes.

"Speaking of yesterday" a mischievous smile touches his friend's full lips as she pivots to sit facing him, and Jimin already dreads her next words. "Who was that hunk yesterday? You've never told me about him?"

"Who? Jungkook?" Jimin stalls.

"No, the mail man. Yes, Jungkook" she huffs, not without an eye roll.

"Jungkook," Jimin inhales deeply before revealing the next information. "Is my ex from college"

My ex.

God did it felt strange to refer to him that way. If you'd told Jimin, a few years ago, that this would ever happen, he probably wouldn't have believed you.  
God, he'd been so foolish then.

"I have to command your choice in men. I had no idea how you snagged Jackson, but it seems you've been pulling hot men a while" Rosé plays, nudging him. "Let me guess, classical jock and art kid love story huh?"

Jimin smiles bitterly, staring down at his coffee.  
"No, Jungkook used to be into arts too, graphics, wanted to be a cartoon animator. But we met through a friend"

"Interesting. Was it serious?"

A smile touched Jimin's lips as he thought of that one weekend him and Jungkook had decided to "elope" with gummy rings and hearts full of hope and promises.

"Serious enough."

"Why'd it end?"  
Her tone is light, probably oblivious to the power that single question had over Jimin.  
Oblivious to the way his smile fades and his shoulders curl.  
Oblivious to just how thin the glass she tread on actually was.

"I... don't know" he murmurs. "Let's get ready, we have an appointment at 4" he jumps off his stool, busying himself with sorting out the remainder of last night's mess to avoid Rosé quizzical expression at his sudden outburst, to run from the heavy weight slowly lowering onto his chest.

A few minutes later, the girl finally gives up scrutinizing him and starts to help.

****  
~ 8 pm ~

At 8 pm, Jimin locks up and heads home.

Since he'd had a bit more stability, he'd been struggling to fall in step with a new routine. Maybe his schedule would now allow for him to settle on a certain rythm of things. Wake up before noon, head home before 10.

He takes a bike back to his place, thanking heavens for the nice weather. Maybe soon he'd be making enough to actually buy a decent vehicle.

"I'm back" he announces to the void when he finally steps into his dark and empty appartment.

It was a small, one bedroom one bathroom arrangement, a little humid during the winter and a little ugly with it's worn furniture and smoke tinted walls, but cheap, and convenient enough for one person. 

The place, though tiny had still initially felt so hollow. Jimin had tried to put up some sketches, decorate, light some scented candles, but it seemed it could no be helped. 

The place was just cold.

The slim boy lets himself drop onto the mattress, feeling too lightheaded to change into other clothes. Had he eaten anything that wasn't coffee today? Ah, yes, he'd had a cookie at lunch.  
Had he had the energy, he'd probably get up to look through his fridge for some dinner but Jimin was too tired to care. He'd eat tomorrow.

A light buzzing of his phone brings his attention to the small device.

Jackson: 'sorry I couldn't make it yesterday. Hope the inauguration went well. I miss you already'

A grin spreads his lips, as he sends back a short reply before setting the phone aside again, peeling his shirt and jeans off to avoid wearing out the fabric while he sleeps.

Then, just as he's about to doze off, his thoughts drift back to Jungkook and that stupid text.

Just to make sure he didn't imagine the whole thing, he unlocks his phone again to make sure it is still there.

"When are u free? I'd like to talk" -JK.

Biting his lip, he reads the words over one last time before compulsively typing back, like an addict, forgetting all the reasons he should just ignore the text and go on with his life.

'Sure. Is tomorrow gd for u?"


	5. 2015: our start

~ Late 2015~

For the fifth time this week, Jungkook was over at the dorm again. Jimin sat in the love sack, snacking on some air popped popcorn as he watched Taehyung lose to Jungkook yet again. 

Jimin had learned a lot about Jungkook in the past 2 weeks, one of those things being that he was anything but a fraud, and when he'd said he would obliterate Taehyung at the game, he'd meant business.

Jimin didn't really care for video games, but if it meant he could just sit there watching the two grown boys sat on the ground dramatically scream and jump up and down over a virtual playthrough, then sure, sign him up. It was probably the most comical thing he'd seen in a while.

"Save what's left of your pride, quit while you can" Jungkook smirks, eyes glued to the screen.

Taehyung didn't respond, because his virtual health had declined to the point of no return. With the press of a button, his character was already dead.

Jungkook jumped to his feet, throwing arms up in the air like a soccer player who's just landed the winning goal. He twirls around himself while Taehyung chucks his remote away. 

"You" Jungkook looks down at him."Royyyyally suck" he kicks Taehyung's side to drive his point but the boy catches his foot, dragging him down to the floor while Jungkook erupts in a fit of laugher.

"Did you see that?" The youngest of the two asks Jimin. "That was your bestfriend right there" he teases.

Jimin shakes his head. "I don't claim him"  
Jungkook laughs again, looking over at Taehyung with a winning smile.

"Whatever, you're just trying to impress Jimin" the tan boy grumbled, moving to sit of the sofa.

Jimin looks over at his childhood friend quizzically but Taehyung doesn't look his way as he sits, shoulders slumped, sulking about his loss.

"Well, you sure are making it an easier task" Jungkook replies, briefly glancing Jimin's way before moving to the sofa as well.

By all means, Jimin wasn't usually easily swayed, but somehow, the fact that the brunette doesn't deny Taehyung's statement makes heat rise to his cheeks.   
Taehyung casts a look at Jimin , and as he turns away, Jimin swears he sees a knowing smile tug at his lips.

The doorbell rings, and suddenly all is forgotten as Taehyung almost trips over his own slippers in his rush to get it, like a teenage girl who's date just showed up to take her to the freshmen school dance, except Taehyung is a 180 cm tall man and the boy at the door is the pizza delivery guy.  
Taehyung quickly collects the still warm box before rushing away.

"Someone should really pay him for that" he sing songs as he passes Jimin, who sighs, rolling his eyes. 

He stands to his feet, but Jungkook, who is already walking towards the door, gives him a friendly pat on the back as he crosses him on the way there."My treat" he declares.

As he walks back to sit down afterwards, Taehyung makes up a mock song of gratitude about what a generous and altruistic man Jeon Jungkook is.

"You didn't have to" Jimin says quietly, sitting back down.

"Oh please, I've been eating you guys' food all week, I might as well" Jungkook dismisses him, taking a big bite of greasy godness before closing his eyes in bliss.

"It's good" he drags out the last word around a mouthful and somehow it isn't as gross as when Tae does it. It's almost...endearing.

"I told you, this place is great" Taehyung smiles proudly, chomping loudly on his food. Then he turns to Jimin, asking if they had any soda left. 

They set up a movie and proceed to drink some beer, but soon enough Taehyung passed out on the sofa and Jimin is pretty sure he and Jungkook aren't far behind.

"You don't like pizza?" 

"Huh?" Jimin looks over to Jungkook, confused as he is snapped out of his sleepy haze.

"You barely had any. Is it the pepperoni?"  
Jimin stares at him, stunned he'd noticed for some reason. Because Jimin had taken a few bites. He just hadn't been in the mood to finish his slice.

"Oh, no, it's just that the popcorn kinda filled me up" Jimin waves it off, collecting the empty bottles on the floor, walking to the 'kitchen area' to dump them in the bin so he can walk away from Jungkook's penetrating gaze and collect himself before sitting back down.

Jungkook just nods. 

With the lights having been turned off at some point, the only thing illuminating the boy's beautiful features was the blue haze emitting from the tv.   
Jimin watches his deep chocolate eyes track the movements on the screen, and the tip of the bottle press to his cherry colored lips as he drinks.   
The brunette leans forward to set the drink down again absentmindedly and Jimin turns his attention away from the boy and the way his body moved, focusing on twisting the rings around his own chunky fingers instead.

"Looks like he's out for good"

Jimin nods in agreement, not having to look up to know Jungkook is talking about Taehyung.

"It's pretty late, I should get going"

"Stay if you want. You can crash Tae's bed, he sure won't be sleeping there tonight" Jimin chuckles softly. 

"No, he probably won't" Jungkook agrees, looking over at the snoring boy to see his neck is twisted at an uncomfortable angle while he sleeps sat up on the couch.

Jungkook tugs at his ankles, moving him down the sofa without struggle, till his head lays on the arm rest instead.

Jimin walks over to his best friend's room, grabbing the blanket on his mattress to spread it over his sleeping form instead. Once done, he realizes he is now posted distinctly close to Jungkook as the both of them stand before the couch.

The boy towers over him, and Jimin feels the weight of his gaze, observing him, taking him in.

Jimin doesn't know wether it's just because he likes the boy or because of how domestic the moment was, but he feels a sense of comfort wash over him. Jungkook and he were alone, here, right now, and for a moment it feels like they are actually alone in the world, like the people outside making noise in the halls don't exist, like the omnipresent distant sound of traffic isn't a thing, like Taehyung isn't there, snoring obnoxiously loud . He would soon learn that was just the effect Jungkook had on him.

Jimin turns around to face him, and it feels to him like they are standing closer than any two men usually would, then again it could be the beer. He, for one, can still smell it on Jungkook's breath.

For a second, he wonders what it would be like to taste it on his lips, what the boy would do if Jimin were to stand on his tippy toes and kiss him right there.

"Thanks for the offer, but my flatmates will worry, I need to go." Jungkook smiles and for a second Jimin has this feeling, like he's going to lean in a few inches closer so to be frank, he has no idea what Jungkook just said because it's all he can think about. 

Maybe if he did lean closer, even if it was just a couple inches, then Jimin would get the courage to actually kiss him and find out what it would do. 

"Goodnight Jimin"

Jimin can only nod, stuck in place in the middle of the living space of his dorm, voice lost, while Jungkook leaves, gently shutting the door on his way out.


	6. Holding on

Their group had fallen together effortlessly it had seamed.  
Because you see, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung quickly became inseparable. Jimin had never guessed he'd actually like the boy to the point he wasn't just Tae's friend anymore, but his new best friend too. It had felt so natural. Jungkook was funny, sweet and driven. He was a great fit. So the three of them quickly became a troublesome trio, always crashing at each other's places and getting into some new shenanigans.

And you see, it turned out Jimin's good friend from dance practice, Hoseok, was one of Jungkook's two flatmates. Yoongi, Hoseok and Jungkook went to the same nearby college, and since the dorm was already completely full, they'd settled for sharing the rent of a shitty studio appartment not too far from campus.

Through crashing there from time to time, the fivesome had gotten to know each other pretty well. Jungkook and Hoseok shared a passion for working out and Taehyung would sometimes join their gym trips because of course the boy was so likeable Yoongi and Hoseok had instantly loved him.  
Jimin unexpectedly found himself becoming extremely close with the grumpy flatmate:Yoongi. 

It was hard to explain, but Yoongi seemed to understand him on a level even Taehyung never had. They shared similar views about the world and Yoongi allowed Jimin to express the parts of himself he usually tried his hardest to conceal, the parts that weren't all rainbow and sunshine all the time. Now it just didn't have to be a lonely place for him to be secluded in anymore.

Looking back, Jimin can't help but feel like it had always been meant to be. Like the univers was shifting and molding to bring the 5 boys together, knowing they were meant to become family.

**********  
Jimin gets snapped out of his reminiscing thoughs when from afar, he sees Jungkook finally walk into the park they'd agreed to meet in, carrying two hot drinks.

It was chilly out, and the cold had whipped the younger man's cheeks and the tip of his nose, turning them a light pink tone, which made him look younger. The sight tugs at Jimin's heartstrings. 

Somehow this felt like seeing Jungkook for the first time all over again. Except he'd lost the undercut and taken out the earings.  
It felt bittersweet. 

After what feels like an eternity, the brunette finally reaches Jimin, smiling at him, and Jimin is smiling back before he even knows it.

"Here" Jungkook says, offering one of the styrofoam cups to Jimin. "Hot chocolate"

"Oh" Jimin shifts his weight from one leg onto the other, wishing the stupid wind would stop messing up the hair he's put so much effort into making look decent for today. "I usually have black coffee" he says quietly, eyes darting to the floor.

"I know" Jungkook reaches out, wrapping a hand around his forearm, lifting it so it will receive the cup he is handing him. "But you prefer Hot chocolate"

Jimin feels his heart grow. How did Jungkook even remember?

"Thank you" he doesn't fight the grin stretching his lips.

They agree to walk around as they talk and it doesn't feel as awkward as anticipated. Neither really know what they wanna say or what they wanna hear but they talk and talk, because if they stop it means it's time to part ways, go home. And if they do that, Jimin doesn't really know if he'll have any excuse to meet Jungkook again. So he keeps making small talk.

"Sorry I couldn't really meet you before, I've just been working full time lately, so I waited for the weekend" Jungkook apologizes as a bunch of tiny kids run past them, giggling happily and jumping into small puddles the early morning rain left there. 

Jimin looks far ahead again, at the benches facing the central Fontaine that wasn't working anymore. Its water looked murky actually.

"Don't worry, I get it. It fits better into my schedule anyway" he sips his drink.

"So" Jungkook starts and Jimin watches him rub the back of his neck nervously.  
"No more carrot head, huh?" He asks.

"Nope, those days are certainly over" Jimin laughs. "And you lost the earings" he points out in return.

"Yeah, piercings aren't exactly popular at work" 

"I figured as much" Jimin nods. "The army huh? How's that treating you?"

"Better since Namjoon's gotten in command. He's demanding but he's a good leader, unlike the previous dickhead"

"Do you like it? Or will you eventually quit?" Jimin prods.

"You know at first I really didn't" Jungkook admits, pensively gazing ahead. "But now I think it's good for me. It brought order back into my life. It made me feel..." he scrambles for words and Jimin waits, listens while the boy collects his distorted thoughs. " ... in control again. It got me out of bed in the morning whether I felt like it or not, and it kept me busy for most of the day. When I get home I'm too exhausted to think about anything but getting to bed. It just was one of those things I never knew I needed."

"A distraction" Jimin observes.

"A distraction" Jungkook agrees, coming to a stop. Jimin looks over at him, stopping as well. 

"What about you, Jimin, what is your distraction?" Jungkook's demeanor is gentle and his dark eyes sympathetic. 

Jimin thought that with time, he would feel like a stranger all over again. But somehow there was still a connection. The same connection that allowed him to tell Jungkook anything, confide in him.  
It makes him want to blurt out everything that has been on his mind for the past few months and let Jungkook comfort him for hours to make up for all of those lonely days. But he doesn't.

"My art. It helps" 

A half truth. The other half Jimin doesn't want to talk about is how everything in his life is a distraction: the people, the places, the man. His art was the only genuine thing left. So it is the only thing he mentions in Jungkook's presence, because Jungkook, unlike everyone else, deserved the truth from him.

Jungkook nods, and for some reason Jimin doesn't think he believes him, but he doesn't say a word.

"Jungkook" Jimin says before the brunette can start walking again, drawing those sharp eyes back to him. "Why did you reach out to me?" He asks, deciding to quit hiding behind all the small talk and niceties. He was sick of dancing around what he really wanted to know. He needed some truth out the boy too.

Jungkook blinks at him slowly, as thought taken aback. Then, just as slow, he shrugs. 

"I just wanted to see how you were doing" 

"Why?"

"Because..." Jungkook doesn't realize it, but he's taken a physical step back, as if he wishes he could flee. "I don't know Jimin. I don't know. What do you want to hear?"

"I don't know" Jimin echoes back. "This feels so strange Jungkook, so strange. You're here and it's like we've gone back in time, but everything is still different. Jungkook, I don't know if... I don't know if it's a good idea for us to be talking again." 

Jungkook rolls his lips inside his mouth, dropping his hands by his sides in defeat and Jimin's heartache continues to grow.

"I don't know if I'm ready. Because...To be honest, I'm not over everything yet" he admits, suddenly unable to look at the man that once was his lover, going over to sit down on a bench. 

He runs his hand through his hair, then rubs his face, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He doesn't want to send Jungkook away but he also knows he's still dealing with the same issues that caused him and the boy to part ways in the first place. It wouldn't be fair to fool himself or Jungkook into doing the same thing over again.

It feels like an eternity till Jungkook comes to sit by his side, but Jimin still doesn't look at him.

"I understand " the boy says simply. His voice is glim as the weather as he stares up at the sky.

"I feel the same way. I don't think I'll ever feel differently but after everything it just felt like... like I was so... alone"

"Jungkook..."

"You guys were all my family. And in these moments I needed all of you but we were all so broken. I guess I just missed it. I missed my family"

Jimin doesn't say anything, because hot tears are rolling down the length of his cold face. 

He fights to keep them at bay but they flow, quietly.

Jungkook's fingers gently press underneath his chin, turning his face towards him. Jimin can see tears in his doe eyes too, but they don't overflow.

"Don't cry" he whispers gently, catching a fallen droplet with the pad of his thumb off Jimin's cheek and it only makes Jimin want to cry harder because Jungkook is hurting yet it is Jimin he is worried about. It hurt more then Jimin ever thought it would, to care for someone so deeply yet feel like all you have left between the two of you is pain.

"I miss our family too" Jimin admits. "I miss you in my life" he says, wiping his own tears like he'd gotten himself used to. 

He takes a deep breath to collect himself, wondering what the other people at the park were thinking of the two crying boys sitting on the bench.

"So what do we do?" Jungkook asks hesitantly.  
His voice hides a hint of hope and it is enough for hope to bloom in Jimin's heart too. Maybe they didn't have to be stuck with just sorrow forever. Maybe there could be more between the two of them than just shared history and trauma.

"We can be friends" Jimin says with conviction behind his words. "What do you think?"

Jungkook looks over at him with a familiar look in his eyes. He's looking at Jimin like the sun rises out of his ass again, and it makes Jimin feel warm and strong.

"Friends?"

"Friends."

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains mature themes, exploring the way loss impacts and changes people, as well as the recovery process before they get back on their feet. Read at your own risk. However, it won't be depressing for the sake of it as it will center on self-improvement. From here on, I hope you enjoy.


End file.
